Before I continue, I have to say something to clear my conscience first. I do not want to be ungrateful for my job. It has done a lot of good to me, in terms of money as well as some personal growth. Although a certain person or two will disagree with the latter, they are entitled to their opinion. Thanks to my job, I have managed to wiggle myself out of an enormous financial burden as well as move out into a bigger house with privacy in it, and this new house alone was worth the year of hard work and bullshit. The house has added so much value and peace of mind to my life and I am eternally grateful for this fact. Although it is 2 km away from the old house, it is 40-minute less traffic. Not to mention it being bigger with a nice view.
I am also grateful for the other parts of the personal growth. It is through my job that I have discovered how INCREDIBLY patient of a person I am (others would call it stupid). I have seen some employees barely surviving the third month. Many have left. Many simply have gone and have never been heard of again. I was whole-heartedly patient, tolerant, and committed. Although I have been told, repeatedly, not to finish a task quickly and to take my time with it, most of the time I finish things before schedule and this has proved I am invaluable. For a while at least.
It is also through the difficult times at the office, which were every day, and when my patience wore thin, that I found my blog to vent in, to entertain my readers (hopefully) through what I see sarcastic, witty and funny (I'm a Chandler Bing type of funny guy). I also have to thank KI and Hamza for the innumerable hours we have chatted through the days.
Now that my conscience is clear, I am ready to say what I am about to say.
My company has recently had no work for me to do, which is exactly where my being efficient backfired. I finished things too quickly that the client and management probably had to have some time to grasp what the have had in hand. For the past month I have had only minimal things to work on. And when I say minimal I say almost nothing. While some days of doing nothing have previously occured, not doing anything for a month has taken a toll on my mental stability. I discovered I am probably a workaholic or simply too committed to my work to imagine myself not working.
But during that period a long list of things at the office occured that I cannot freely talk about yet. The jist of it is that, I either go for another project in Riyadh, Saudi for one year or have my contract terminated. Actually, having my contract terminated is a nice way to put it. The way my company put it is that I will expire.
Feeling like a tuna with only two weeks to go before I rot, I have felt uneasy and it slightly showed. But I have also taken a pledge to myself that I am to be positive and remove negative energy, and this pledge was extensively put to the test.
I have thought about the issue considerably, although, looking in retrospect it shouldn't have required that much thought or fuss. But it was an experience especially that this was, for the first time, the TRUE moment where I had to exclusively make the choice to determine how my life would go, and how it affected everyone around me. Thinking for myself and my own best interest was an ordeal, because myself and my best interest incorporate a lot of people, events, and things, so I had to think on a global factor and not a selfish one (in fact I cannot think selfishly because a lot of people and things are part of the "me").
The company had a lot of cards up its sleeve. Doing a quick cost-benefit analysis instantly reveals that the negative aspect is being jobless and losing the handsome salary, not to mention the company name in the international market. The company held many people with the throat by that.
But I also made another pledge to myself: I am not to become a slave to money. I had been its slave for the past year, and I don't blame except myself for this (but let's face it, Dubai plays a major role to be as such). But here I am taking an active role to remedy the problem. I refuse to subject myself to further bullshit, and I absolutely refuse to have my spirit destroyed for the sake of money. Money and fame and belongings all go and change with time. I can't also let go of my spirit along.
So I took a brave step up, and defied all logic (even my colleagues are just stumped about it). I emailed management, and told them I am not going. And the reasons are too many to list and some are personal.
I am not going to KSA.
Even if I am to get fired.
It is a decision I made and I have to live with, for better or worse, but no matter, because I OWN the decision, and I won't feel bad about it in the long run. And even if I would, it wouldn't matter, because I would know that at one point in my life, I was 23 years old and I actually said NO.
I momentarily regretted the choice and got frantic, but it was just Moogle acting up. KJ is in the reigns for the time being, and Moogle would have to get over it soon.
The best case scenario is that I continue with my project till November, and I either get terminated or find some other dept to work with or move to another company. The worst case scenario is that I get fired on Thursday, the first day of Ramadan and also my birthday.
But I am ecstatic. I won't let anything upset me now. I am too happy to have my birthday and Ramadan fall on the same day to worry about anything else. That alone is also another gift of three I have longed for, which I thought to be impossible to obtain (first day of Ramadan on my birthday, the night of Qadr on my birthday, and to pass away on my birthday on a Friday [first occurance is Friday 13 on Sept 2013, talk about superstition]).
And there can be no greater gift that the freedom of choice, and I have given myself the greatest birthday gift ever.